Pleading with Cancer

Cancer . . . it’s me.

Come later

when my life

is more complete.

Let me see wrinkles

so deep

and skin

so thin

from elasticity gone.

I beg you,

stop

the lassitude,

the pain

Cancer . . . it’s me.

Let me see

my children grow

to be adults,

to be on their own,

that’s all I want.

Death too soon

is death unfair.

It takes from me

and from them,

too.

Memories missing,

pages empty,

lost to me,

by your bombardment,

hard to bear. 

Cancer . . . it’s me.

Stop this game you play,

out-smarting, outwitting, out maneuvering

us all.

Unfurl your madness

unfurl your mystery

so others will know

and early steps into the darkness

will cease

because your dress

will finally look different

than other dancers

and my body

will see you

and take back what is mine.

Scans show your control, 
reveal your destruction.

Each day

you grow.

Each day

I slow.

Cancer . . .  it’s me.

Stop hurting.

Stop growing.

Stop taking.

Stop stealing

my time.

Rationalization of death

does not exist.

No lessons learned.

Tragedy defines

my one day forgotten life!

Cancer . . . it’s me.

Chemo #13 Scans reviewed in 3 weeks

No news today, really.  The last three weeks were typical for side-effects.  My neuropathy in my fingers improved from my last treatment so that was a relief. 

Somehow I expected to have scans done before today and reviewed at this appointment.  I was jumping ahead too quickly.  The 3 week period I am now entering is the time for new scans to occur.  On February 3, those will be reviewed.  If everything is stable or if shrinkage is seen, a break from the beneficial but evil Taxotere, as far as side-effects go, may be the next plan for me.  Herceptin and Perjeta will act alone.  I am hopeful this is the case.  This scan really makes me nervous though.  I would really like a break from Taxotere.  Anytime I want something badly, the nerves can be troublesome.  It is not a happy drug as far as how it makes me feel.  If the two other drugs can do the job without it then that is a much better treatment option.  If my scans show growth, my treatment plan will change completely.  It is quite unsettling due to the fact that I am currently taking the best drugs available for my disease.    

For this appointment, the usual side-effects were discussed and lungs were assessed audibly.  All is fine.

This morning I had the 3 month MUGA scan to look at my heart function.  Herceptin can cause reduced heart function in about 2% of patients.  I have not had any problems so far and am hoping this will be the same today.  I will not know until my next appointment.

That is all for today.  Thanks for checking in on me.