This morning I woke up early. I should have gone back to sleep but could not. Today was the day I was to receive a phone call that would deliver good news or bad news. The anxiety I felt was quite intense. I didn't realize how intense until I actually heard the radiologist's report of the scan I had on Thursday morning.
I spent quite a bit of my time recently trying to prepare myself for the good or the bad that I was going to hear whether I wanted to or not. The good would mean another 3 months of feeling so much like my old self. I tried to convince myself that it was going to be good news. Why wouldn't it be. I have been feeling so good. Even the breathing issues I had been experiencing which I thought were allergy related now seem to have been resolved. Perhaps it wasn't allergies after all. The bad news of course would mean I would be inching closer to the end. That possibility terrified me. Nevertheless I mentally calmed myself with the hope that the next treatment may work, and that all is not over yet.
I also tried to convince myself that the worst news had already been delivered to me in April of 2013. Today, though, I decided that is not exactly true. In April I still had a chance to prolong my life. When the available drugs have all been tried, your chance is over. With every drug failure, it means I am closer to the end of the list -- simply terrifying.
Just after 11:00 am my phone rang. I answered and took a deep breath. The words I heard sent my heart racing and my body shaking. The nurse said, "The news is GREAT!" That is all I needed to hear. On Monday I will get the rest of the report. Today I am so incredibly happy. I get to spend another 3 months loving my life. Wahoo!