Monday, January 20, 2014

Pleading with Cancer

Cancer . . . it’s me.

Come later
when my life
is more complete.

Let me see wrinkles
so deep
and skin
so thin
from elasticity gone.

I beg you,
the lassitude,
the pain

Cancer . . . it’s me.

Let me see
my children grow
to be adults,
to be on their own,
that’s all I want.

Death too soon
is death unfair.
It takes from me
and from them,

Memories missing,
pages empty,
lost to me,
by your bombardment,
hard to bear. 

Cancer . . . it’s me.

Stop this game you play,
out-smarting, outwitting, out maneuvering
us all.

Unfurl your madness
unfurl your mystery
so others will know
and early steps into the darkness
will cease
because your dress
will finally look different
than other dancers
and my body
will see you
and take back what is mine.

Scans show your control, 
reveal your destruction.
Each day
you grow.
Each day
I slow.

Cancer . . .  it’s me.

Stop hurting.
Stop growing.
Stop taking.
Stop stealing
my time.

Rationalization of death
does not exist.
No lessons learned.
Tragedy defines
my one day forgotten life!

Cancer . . . it’s me.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Chemo #13 Scans reviewed in 3 weeks

No news today, really.  The last three weeks were typical for side-effects.  My neuropathy in my fingers improved from my last treatment so that was a relief. 

Somehow I expected to have scans done before today and reviewed at this appointment.  I was jumping ahead too quickly.  The 3 week period I am now entering is the time for new scans to occur.  On February 3, those will be reviewed.  If everything is stable or if shrinkage is seen, a break from the beneficial but evil Taxotere, as far as side-effects go, may be the next plan for me.  Herceptin and Perjeta will act alone.  I am hopeful this is the case.  This scan really makes me nervous though.  I would really like a break from Taxotere.  Anytime I want something badly, the nerves can be troublesome.  It is not a happy drug as far as how it makes me feel.  If the two other drugs can do the job without it then that is a much better treatment option.  If my scans show growth, my treatment plan will change completely.  It is quite unsettling due to the fact that I am currently taking the best drugs available for my disease.    

For this appointment, the usual side-effects were discussed and lungs were assessed audibly.  All is fine.

This morning I had the 3 month MUGA scan to look at my heart function.  Herceptin can cause reduced heart function in about 2% of patients.  I have not had any problems so far and am hoping this will be the same today.  I will not know until my next appointment.

That is all for today.  Thanks for checking in on me.