Saturday, February 25, 2017

Just Be Courteous

After 52 years of living, you might imagine that my life experiences should have hardened my emotions causing me to spend less time thinking about and letting the noticeable absence of simple courtesies in our society get to me. Sadly, it hasn’t.

Last week I received an email from a person who wanted to speak with me about my life with cancer. They said, “After reading your blog, I was hoping to set up a call with you to describe our series and mission and see if you are interested in participating.” I gladly agreed, and a time was set for our conversation.

Turning to the internet, I found she is who she said she was. This person works as a television segment producer for a popular morning program. In the email she said, “One of the segments is a profile of a woman with advanced breast cancer and what the journey is like.  We are hoping to shed light and bring more attention to advanced cancer patients and understand the support they need.”

The morning of the interview, as I prepared for the day, I thought about what I might say. I spent time writing my thoughts on paper. An hour before the interview, I sat down at my desk re-organizing my written thoughts and drinking water trying to lessen the hoarseness of my voice –allergens in the air and my acid-reflux raging against me were giving my one working vocal cord a hard time.   

The time for the call was near. I sat nervously waiting, reading over the pages of my notes. Here are a few of those thoughts:
  1. stop blaming people for their disease
  2. breast cancer is many diseases not one, each with different characteristics
  3. the longer it stays in the body the more complicated it becomes making it harder to treat
  4. people need to scrutinize studies that are published, and pay attention to the words used otherwise non-cancer people and new patients often are led to believe a cure is close when it is not —words like may, might, petri-dishes, mice studies, human studies, and variables need to be emphasized
  5. awareness campaigns need to better educate people about cancer—it is so much more complicated than simple cells growing out of control
  6. the financial struggles that come because of the disease cause ongoing emotional and physical stress--there is almost no help that I can find for those above a certain income level—hospitals and treatment facilities do offer some relief for monthly amounts due, but not always and not enough.
Two-thirty came. I sat at my desk. The minutes ticked away. The phone call never came.

I emailed the person the next day saying I hope she and her family are well, and asked if the absence of the phone call was due to the busyness of her job creating some unforeseen event. I added that if she found someone else to speak with then I understood. You get it –blah, blah, BLAH!

She emailed me later that evening and regurgitated my email back to me.Yep, her family is fine; yep, she is busy; and, yep, she found someone else.

Okay. Fine.

I was happy she and her family were well.

But . . .

Somewhere in that over 24-hour period before I sent the email, I am guessing our scheduled phone conversation must have crossed her mind. In an age where communication comes in so many forms and takes little time and money for messages to be sent, I find her actions baffling. Besides the absolute unprofessionalism there is an irony that slapped me across the face. This person wanted to find out how others might better understand the support that advanced cancer patients need. I wondered had she given any thought to the topic she wanted to highlight in the segment series. Something so easy to do and takes such little energy; that of respecting another person’s time. A simple courtesy that all people should show one another.

So now, I have one more item to add to my list of what can be done to “understand and support” the needs of an advanced cancer patient.

Never waste their time.

I don’t get it.

It is not hard . . .

Just be courteous.


  1. Lisa, I am sorry this was your experience. It's an experience that has happened to me too and it is beyond rude and insensitive.

    1. Marie, I hate to learn this happened to you, too. Though there is no way for me to know, I imagine these same people who were rude to us are livid when someone wastes their time.
      Thanks for taking the time today to leave this note for me.

  2. Lisa, This note really struck me. I have a vivid image of you, preparing yourself, making notes, bringing up memories of your breast cancer experiences, and then to have someone so callously forget to let you know that they'd decided to go with someone else is just inexcusable.

    1. Claudia, Thank you for taking the time to read my post! Your nice comment is appreciated as well.